Don't miss this week's Golfer's Dream special column by Lorne Rubenstein - updated September 5, 2000.

Are you too serious? Check out our Golf Laughs.

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Golf Laughs:

globeinvestor.com's

"Why Golf is Like Investing"

In honour of the arrival of the 2000 golfing season, globeinvestor.com, the complete stock information site and a proud sponsor of this year's Bell Canadian Open, has taken a look at the similarities between two of Canadians' favourite -- and most frustrating -- past-times: golf and investing.

Why golf is like investing…

• A player's report in the bar is usually much better than their performance on the course.
• Both were once a rich man's sport, but now have millions of poor players.



• Your best performance ever will be followed almost immediately by your worst performance ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
• The harder you work, the luckier you get.



• You strive for the green but end up in the hole.



• Fancy equipment and clothes may not actually improve your game much, but they sure can make you feel better trying.



• It always looks easier on TV.

Globeinvestor.com's favourite golf jokes:

• Golfer: "Caddy, why do you keep looking at your watch?"
  Caddy: "It's not a watch, sir. It's a compass"



• In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in "civilized" society, it is called golf.



• An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice - once before swinging, and once again, after swinging.



• After a poor day on the course, the golfer says to his caddy, "I've played so poorly all day, I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake." The caddy says, "I don't think you could keep your head down that long."



• Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words were taken.



• If golf is good exercise, why isn't mowing the lawn?



• What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
  A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!

Great Golf Quotes:

" I'm in the woods so much I can tell you which plants are edible."

Lee Trevino

"Golf is a good walk spoiled."

Mark Twain

"Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore', shoot six and write down five."

Paul Harvey